Universe and quantum

The successive passing of my parents truly felt like a huge tumble, leaving me a bit numb. I didn’t know what sadness was, nor how to express it. Only occasionally, when thinking of them, would tears fall uncontrollably. For a long time, my emotions were at an all-time low, feeling as if I was at a critical point where I might shatter with the slightest touch. I tried to seek solace from various angles. My biggest knot was the desire for even a single word of farewell. I wasn’t by their side when they passed, and I even had unresolved emotions. Little did I know, I would never see them again. From initial sadness and regret, it finally turned into silent acceptance. Of course, there was no reason not to accept it. As someone who has read a few books, there was no reason not to accept, but behind the acceptance, there was indeed an unspoken discomfort. Many people passed away before them; this was a form of self-comfort. Just like when I didn’t want to get married, I thought there were countless people in the world without descendants, so why should I be the one to carry on the family line? Now, I can apply this again: countless people in the world have lost their parents, and I am just one of the many. They were also normal people, and reaching this point was very natural. All the realistic and self-comforts always had a loophole. No matter how reasonable, normal, or natural everything was, I always felt unwilling. The reason was that on the night my father passed away, I dreamt of my deceased mother pacing anxiously in front of me, seemingly with something difficult to say, but she never spoke it. I didn’t think much of it at the time. Reflecting on it later, I suddenly understood.

I wonder what you, as the reader, think upon seeing this? From childhood, I occasionally felt scared by ghosts and deities, but I never had a personal experience. Moreover, the education I received never included such supernatural teachings; I always held science as my faith and never took such legends seriously. Now I know that parents are the “ghosts and deities” that constantly surround you. They always encircle you in some form. My love-hate entanglement with them will probably accompany me throughout my life.

Up to this point, all of this has been my personal experience. All these life-and-death experiences led me to miss, think, and search. How can I say goodbye to them, just one sentence? Although it sounds a bit like a fool’s dream. But looking back now, after my father’s death, we did have similar conversations in dreams. The form, language, and tone of the dialogue were basically no different from reality. The only difference was the separation between Yin and Yang. Now, suddenly thinking of this dream, I suppose I should be satisfied. It also resolved a matter in my heart. But I didn’t think this way before. I wondered if there really is an afterlife, or a higher dimension that people can go to after death. Or perhaps they are in a higher-dimensional space and can see us at any time, instantly arriving if they wish to see us, but we, as lower-dimensional beings, lack the ability to perceive them. They try to communicate with us in various forms, but due to dimensional differences, it’s difficult to achieve. However, more or less, there are always some omens or traces that prove they have been here. All videos and literature lack concrete evidence. Even though everything is said as if it were true. Even with my experiences above, can I confidently say that a higher-dimensional world or an afterlife truly exists? I consulted the Kṣitigarbha Sutra, trying to read “Hai Ao Hua Language,” but as someone with a science and engineering background, none of these convinced me. However, I haven’t completely disbelieved either. There’s always a vague sense of curiosity.

I want to know more. What is it really like?

The Buddha said, “One flower, one world; one leaf, one Bodhi”. I often wonder if our world, in the eyes of other high-dimensional beings, is merely a grain of sand or a single leaf? Or perhaps the reason our world is boundless and our universe is vast is not because we cannot discover other life forms, but because other life forms created us, and they are watching our world in some form. The reason we are so lonely is that this world is originally an illusion. All the vastness and immensity are merely countless mirrors, and we are just Trumans living within mirrors. Beyond the mirrors is Svarga (a heavenly realm).

I watched an episode on YouTube about a conversation on the universe. A few simple terms like gravitational waves, quantum entanglement, and spacetime oscillation were truly fascinating. Does each term hide a truth capable of overturning all cognition? Or is it just a lot of mystification? I am just curious about what lies behind them. For example, what was before the Big Bang? Why did it explode? The universe is redshifting, so does the universe have boundaries? What is beyond the universe? Why is the propagation of gravitational waves so similar to water waves? Since gravitational waves can propagate in the universe and cause changes in space, is the space of the universe a substance like water that we cannot explain? Can time truly be materialized?

If everything is manipulated by some existence, I would really like to understand it. I truly want to know. Perhaps I could even meet my long-lost loved ones.

Thus begins my journey of exploration. This is a big topic, so let’s take our time discussing it.