My Fucking Running Experience

Perhaps it was because I was a boy, but I was active from a young age, constantly running and jumping, never stopping for a day. As my grandma would say, it was as if I had eaten “monkey meat” and couldn’t stop moving. Perhaps this childhood activity laid a good foundation for me; my athletic ability in later studies was quite good. Later, when I played basketball, my physique gradually developed into what it is today. The story begins with my experiences after college.

At that time, my main sport was still basketball, and I didn’t feel tired even after three or four hours each time. Later, due to various opportunities, I started running. My performance wasn’t too good, but not too bad either. It was average, like all my other achievements. From that time on, I actually had the urge to improve my performance. But the first few years of work after graduation were very difficult. Until everything I had returned to square one. My whole life hit rock bottom. I stuck to my idea, ignored my family’s objections, gave up everything, gave up a stable and, in their eyes, enviable job, and started from scratch. They all thought I was crazy, of course, that’s another story. No one supported me; I could only cheer myself on. It was also from this time that I officially began my career as a programmer. I gradually started running.

I remember there was a park next to the company where I worked. Back then, I didn’t need to bring my computer home from work because it was a desktop. So, when I passed by, a few days a week, I would get the urge to go for a run. Actually, there were two initial intentions: first, to stretch my muscles and bones, as it was my first time being a programmer, and I wasn’t quite used to sitting still for several hours a day. Second, I wanted to prove that my physical condition was still good.

Because at that time, I actually felt a subtle pressure inside. I was almost 30 years old but starting everything from scratch. There would be invisible pressure, even if only subconscious, but I could feel it later. Back then, I would run at a 4-minute pace immediately. Four kilometers finished in 16 minutes. From my earliest running experiences, I never seriously studied it from the beginning, not even discussing it with classmates. This is very similar to all my learning experiences throughout my life, or rather, a subconscious default attitude towards learning new things. Everything started from my own perception, which was self-righteousness, not trusting theories, nor trusting others, just relying on my own feelings and intuition, running wild. The result was often spending a lot of time retracing my steps. I’m not sure what kind of emotion that was—stubbornness? Obstinacy? Youthful defiance? Or just plain foolishness.

Speaking of running, I always thought the faster I ran, the better. Seeing others’ impressive paces, I always felt I could achieve them with my imagined training methods. This continued for a long time, probably five or six years. During this time, my purpose for running was always to stay active and maintain my physical condition. I never thought of participating in races, relying on my youth. I could easily achieve pretty good speeds, at least much better than my colleagues around me.

Until my mother became seriously ill, and work was also not going smoothly. Pressure followed. I gradually started to take running seriously, hoping it could bring me peace of mind and a better state to face things. At that time, there was a stadium next to where I lived. I began to practice running in my own way: three times a week during weekdays, 5 kilometers each time, and once on weekends, 10 kilometers. This usually amounted to about 100 kilometers a month. Then occasionally I would participate in small, short-distance races. The longest distance was a half-marathon.

I remember around 2019, I ran two half-marathons and one full marathon. I also had 30 kilometers of training each week. I started to feel overwhelmed. My body clearly felt it. I was physically exhausted, and my lips turned purple. My energy for work was insufficient, coupled with my mother’s continuous ill health. All sorts of troubles made me very miserable. At this point, I became even more distressed; my only remedy, running, was no longer working. I couldn’t improve my performance no matter what. And I was very tired. It was difficult to maintain 30 kilometers of training a week. Even at this point, I didn’t think about learning about running myself, not even the simplest theory, nor did I discuss it with anyone. Never.

I still can’t believe now what my psychological state was at that time. Of course, this is also a microcosm of all my previous learning experiences. Yes, that’s how it was. Based on that psychological state, you can imagine how my career developed in the first few years. Yes, it was terrible. Family reasons were one aspect. The other aspect was that I didn’t have a good learning habit. I lacked such training. But I gradually picked up some things from my work and from observing colleagues. For example, a colleague’s remark touched me greatly. I asked him, “How do you earn money by assembling computers? How do you know so much?” He said, “I didn’t know anything at first; I just learned as I did it”. This sentence was like it was engraved in my mind, and in the days to come, I repeatedly mulled over two points: First, one must have confidence in oneself. Second, one must have diverse information channels to help oneself. The rest is about focus. Be bold and do it. Beyond these two points, for me, it means preparing for everything, knowing yourself and your opponent, and you will never be defeated. Intuition is only more accurate and can have greater meaning when it is built upon a solid foundation of knowledge. Otherwise, it’s a castle in the air. A knowledge foundation is very important.

Since 2019, I rarely ran. Until recently, I started again. This time, I have some new preparations and knowledge. I let go of the resentment in my heart. I did some basic learning, made a detailed plan, progressing gradually, step by step. In 2025, everything is different. I lost a lot, but also gained a lot. And learned a lot. There is still so much more to come.